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Hello, if it wasn’t obvious I don’t have a therapist it will be evident after this week’s Staff Pick. Whenever I am down and depressed, I find it hard to listen to music. That is probably some unconscious self-destructive behavior that has been slowly programmed into me. A program that wants to negate any possible feelings of enjoyment, so that my idea of suffering can continue on as long as possible. It’s hard to break the cycle, the chain of depression. Whenever I am back, it feels like I never even left. Sometimes it’s hard not to believe life is a constant struggle with a few good times sprinkled in here and there. I don’t know, maybe that really is the case.
I like BURNING SPEAR a lot, especially ‘Rocking Time’. This is a record I can listen to no matter what my state of being might be. Honestly, it is therapeutic for me when I am feeling down. He mostly sings of struggle in his songs. I experience a lot of emotions when I listen to his songs, but in the end, I find it grounding. I know his struggles were far greater than mine, and it reminds me the world is a big fucking place. It reminds me I am just a very small piece of this world. I will come and go, while the Earth will remain. When I start to feel small, the feelings that plague me also shrink. It leaves more space for wonder... it allows me to remember my appreciation for the vast beauty and the scary power of the Earth we inhabit. It reminds me I am grateful for my existence, grateful for the experiences I have had and the love I have shared with those who are close to me. Maybe life is a constant struggle, but that should make the good times even more glorious, really. From my experiences, I have learned anxiety and depression typically come from dwelling on the past or worrying about what the future may bring. I worry a lot. When you worry, you are just letting the happenings right before you slip through your fingers. So, the worry of the future has suffocated any possibility of enjoying the now. But we must seize every moment for its great worth and experience, we must trust as little as possible in the future. Just remember to do as that great poet said back in the day and “Carpe deez nuts.”