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So I have a problem: I hate everyone and all music. Well, OK, not everyone. But c’mon - you know what people are like. Honestly, they’re the worst. And fair enough I might not really hate all music, but let’s be honest: have you ever actually heard any music? I mean, jeeez. If I’m gonna listen to a record, I’ll need something that matches this misanthopy; something that really gets the neurotransmitters firing on all cylinders and ready to obliterate the feelgood factor. Something like Cleveland band Cruelster, basically.
Cruelster are made up of members of Knowso, Perverts Again, and a plethora of other Ohio noiseniks. If it seems like you’ve seen that name before, it’s highly probable - they released a demo back in 2012 and have been sporadically dropping bundles of rough-edged sonic snot ever since, thanks to labels like Lumpy (whose own Dumpers are at the very least sonically adjacent) and Turbine Piss. This singles collection compiles all the non-album tracks they’ve released since that early demo to make a thrillingly ‘orrible racket. Twelve years’ worth of punk rottenness and general stupidity contained in 29 tracks and 40 noisy minutes. It is, of course, fucking brilliant.
From the gleefully melodic dumbness (and Booji Boy-flavoured additions) of ‘My Embarrassment’ to the malevolent rumble of ‘Double Trouble’, not to mention a fabulously energised cover of Icona Pop’s dance-pop smash ‘I Love It’, every track here is a winner. It’s the perfect tonic for your rage and the perfect foil to a cruel world where everyone else’s disdain seems more pronounced than your own. You owe it to yourself to complete your record shelves with this instantly classic comp - it’s punk rock par excellence. And as for that ‘hating all music thing’... ah, who cares, this is all gold. Listen immediately, you’ll be causing chaos to its raucous brilliance before you know it.
Our take: This LP collects all the non-album tracks from the Cleveland band Cruelster. Cruelster is a band that beckons you down their rabbit hole, and this singles collection, particularly its mythology decoding / perpetuating insert, sends you way the fuck down. Does the idea of a casual Cruelster fan make sense? Certainly, if you’re not down for the whole trip with these folks, you’re missing a lot. If that casual fan does exist, though, they’d likely dismiss the first half of this collection as juvenilia. But around halfway in, Cruelster’s strangeness and brilliance surfaces and the band just takes off. As I said, though, to really appreciate it, you need to take the whole trip. Speaking of which, the insert for this record is like the secret decoder ring that explains the heretofore murky story of Cruelster and its adjacent projects, primarily Perverts Again, but also including Sorry State’s Knowso, among others. The insert is amazing… it’s like 10,000 words, but printed as one giant block of text in tiny type with long lines and no paragraph breaks, a complete affront to the notion of readability. I had to break out a ruler to follow it, but—and this seems analogous to my entire experience as a fan of these groups—the effort was totally worth it. It’s a great story, covering the group’s origins as young (poser?) skinheads through myriad challenges, obstacles, small triumphs, and too many hilarious asides to count… I’m reminded of the tag line for Wayne’s World: “You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll hurl!” All that being said, if you’re not up for an album experience that requires extra hardware, you might as well skip this record. Cruelster is always going to make you pay to partake in their brilliance. But if you’re on the trip with these folks, this is another can’t miss episode. And like any great episodic series, it ends with a cliffhanger, hinting at an upcoming, as-yet-unrecorded new Cruelster album. I look forward to listening to that, enjoying it thoroughly, and writing yet another description that amounts, essentially, to “for fans only.”